Sis Goes On Vacation
Sis was visiting the beach for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the bellboy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.
“Young man, I may be old and from Pea Ridge, but that don’t mean I’m stupid! I paid good money, and this room won’t do at all! It’s too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there’s not even a bed!”
The bellhop looks at Sis and says, “Ma’am, this isn’t your room, it’s the elevator.”
Advice From Children
Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. — Traci, 14.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. — Emma, 4.
Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. — Jacob, 7.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone. — Alyesha, 13.
Never ever try to baptize a cat. — Gracie, 5.
Men Are Just Happier People
Your last name stays the same after you marry.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You can never be pregnant.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can open all your own jars.
You can play with toys all your life.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack.
You never have strap problems in public.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or hurt your feet.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You! Are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes
Suggestion
Don’t spend $4 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for .75 cents.
Local Prayer Concerns
Lena Scales, Carol Whitener, Molli Cardwell, Wayne Eaves, Acie Blanton, Bud Sanders, Ricky Thompson, Virgina Thompson, Bo Hamn, Margaret Sichak, Betty Blackwood, Warren and Florence Little, Kim Peay, Lib Farr Fowler and The Family of Fant Austin.
Reduce National Debt
The following is supposedly a true story.
Sometime in 1992 , an envelope containing $15,000 in cash was left, anonymously, on a chair at the Detroit IRS office with the instruction to apply it “to reduce the national debt.”
I wonder what happened?
Test Your Dog
When I was taking a course in dog psychology the instructor told me that a good way to test your dog was to pretend to fall and play wounded. A dog with a bad temper should try to bite his owner, while a good dog should lick him in the face and show concern.
One night when I was sitting in my living room eating pizza I decided to test his theory on my two dogs. I stood up and put my hand to my chest, made a scream and fell down on the floor.
The dogs gave me a quick glance at each other and then rushed to the table and ate my pizza.
Retirement Is One Way Street
I saw this on a sign the other day: Say what you will about the South but nobody retires and moves up North. Yes, I did see it in the South.
Locked in the Trunk
A 19 year old was arrested in another state, the police said he had broken into a car in the middle of the night and was in the trunk, disconnecting the rear speakers, when the trunk closed and locked him in. Neighbors reported strange noises, and a police officer called to the scene heard the thief banging on the trunk and yelling, “Let me out!” It is bad enough being locked in a trunk but this fellow got locked up two times that night.
What Went Wrong
Bibles aren’t allowed in schools anymore but are encouraged in prison. If kids were allowed to read it at school, they may not end up in prison.
What went wrong?
Well, I checked on it, this is what I found. June 25, 2012 marked the 50th anniversary of a court case that changed the way Americans think about religion in public schools. On June 25, 1962, the United States Supreme Court decided in Engel v. Vitale that a prayer approved by the New York Board of Regents for use in schools violated the First Amendment by constituting an establishment of religion. The following year, in Abington School District v. Schempp, the Court disallowed Bible readings in public schools for similar reasons. These two landmark Supreme Court decisions centered on the place of religion in public education, and particularly the place of Protestantism, which had long been accepted as the given American faith tradition. Both decisions ultimately changed the way things are in our schools today.
Thanks to those that have sent funny stories to my email. Keep em coming!
My email address is pearidgenews@yahoo.com. So, if you have some good news or a picture to share, just send it to me. I will try to apply it to my article. You can drop them in the mail as well. My address is Hoyt Haney 1128 Jonesville- Lockhart Highway, Union S.C. 29379. I’ll use them if I can!
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
— Francis Bacon
Till Next Time
— Hoyt
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