Bridge replacement and a happy cat ending

Connie Porter Contributing Columnist

September 20, 2013

The SCDOT is proposing the S.C. 9 Bridge Replacement Project, which consists of replacing four structurally deficient bridges along S.C. 9 in Union and Chester Counties (Lockhart). The bridges carrying S.C. 9 over the Broad River, the Broad River Canal, Canal Road (S-44-46), and Lockhart Drive (S-44-31) are proposed for replacement. These existing bridges were designed and constructed between 1938 and 1947, with the oldest of the four being approximately 74 years old.

This is the beginning of a newsletter that we received from the SCDOT this week. There will be a formal hearing on Thursday, Oct. 17, 2013, 5-7 p.m. at the Lockhart First Baptist Church Family Life Center. This is located on Armory Road behind the Hot Spot. Please come and voice your comments.

Lost In Translation

A hermit leaves the solitude of his rural home and ventures into town for the first time in his life to try to get a loan. Inside the bank, he tells the manager, “I want to borrow $10,000 to build a bathroom in my house.”

“I don’t believe I know you,” says the manager. “Where have you done your business before?”

The hermit replies, “Out back in the woods.”

Male Blonde Moment

Well, Sunday Chuck gave me a call and told me that he had a “blonde moment.” He got dressed to go to work, and tried a couple of times to put his pen and badge in his pocket of his shirt, he looked down and wondered why his name was on the left side and then he noticed he had his shirt on inside out. He said he was glad it happened at home and not in the parking lot of work.

He got a hair cut earlier that day, it had been awhile since he’d had one and I think his head went into shock, and that caused his moment.


Be patient with Debbie at the post office. I heard she broke some bones in her hand, and probably will have surgery on it. I believe she had an encounter with a cow and a rope. I sincerely hope it heals for her. We can’t do without Debbie!

It was really nice running into Kellie and Butchie at the Dollar General the other night. That’s the place to go to see old friends that you haven’t seen in a long time.

When Gina went with me for her first time, she commented, “Now I see why it takes you so long to get home from up here.”

You have to speak to everybody. That’s one of the things I love about the South — everyone’s friendly.

Remember In Prayer

I heard that Judy Sprouse has come home from rehab, but still needs your prayers for a recovery. Buster Dabbs is doing better and should come home soon. Joe Burns will be in rehab a little longer. Margaret Montgomery is in the Hospice Home in Spartanburg, and remember her family in your prayers, it’s a sad time for them.

Trip To Pigeon Forge

Yvonne Rash took a Wesley Chapel group to Pigeon Forge this week. I hope they had good weather and a good time. They had the Rev. Donna with them so it had to be a lot of fun and laughs.

A Real Cheapskate

A millionaire, a hard hat, and a cheapskate are at bar. When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.

The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then sips the new one.

The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and drinks the rest.

It’s now the cheapskates’s turn: He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, “Spit it out! Spit it out!”

Surprise Development

One of my customers said that she had to wash her hair in dish detergent the other day, at the kitchen sink. Well apparently she didn’t get all the suds out, cause when her head got wet, maybe in the rain (my mind lost that part), her head started bubbling. Well it was funny when she told it.


Get your fishing pole and chair and join the crowd on the race of our Broad River. I see a lot of people up there everyday so the fishing must be great. Morning till late at night, the fishing keeps going on.

If I had spare time I might take up fishing. Of course I’d drive everyone crazy if I caught one, because I’m not going to take one off the hook. He might get me with his gills. And have you seen an uglier fish than a catfish? They taste good though. They are the hardest fish to clean.

Anyway, come to Lockhart and spend the day fishing. You might see some old friends or make some new ones.

Happy Cat Ending

You know how I am complaining because people drop off their unwanted cats at my place. Well a few weeks ago we had the company of an elderly yellow cat, he liked us so much that he started living on my back porch. Then he discovered that I always went across the road to work, so he came and laid at the door of the beauty shop. I worried about him, being so slow that he might get hit by one of our racing cars. The other night as I came out of work, a vehicle was stopped waiting for Mr. Slow to cross in front of them. I told him how lucky he was that they stopped.

A while later Hope and Tess came by the house and asked me if that was my cat, I asked them if they wanted him, as a joke, and they said that was their cat and he’d been gone for about three weeks. How did he end up in Lockhart? We’ll never know. My guess is someone was visiting them and he either got in the bed of the truck or under a fender of a car and rode.

I told Joyce Parris that I didn’t know what to name him and she suggested Buttercup. Come to find out that is his name. I hope he’s happy to be home, and this is my first happy cat ending.

Unwanted Addition

Overheard at a motorcycle dealership.

Customer: “I want to add something useful to my bike, but I can’t think of what to get”

Clerk:”How about a radio? You can talk to your wife while you ride”

Customer:”If I’d wanted that, I’d take the car.”

Well maybe next time I’ll have some news, there’s always hope. So call me at 864-545-6652. Good night.